THE ARCANE SIMPLICTY OF "EGGBURG"

 
After yesterday's post-dialysis illness and subsequent inability to keep down anything more substantial than some Popeyes biscuits, I awoke this morning in a ravenous state. My body craved protein, so I resorted to a dish that has been a staple since my childhood, and I now record its simple formula for posterity.

Toward the end of his time living with my mother and I, my dad began cooking meals for himself (my mother was fed up with his ass by that point) and in the process revealed a hitherto unseen cook who was quite innovative. One of his favorite go-to quickie meals was an unnamed scramble of browned ground beef and eggs seasoned with salt and pepper, and when I saw him make it for the first time, I asked for a taste. I loved it, and in no time it became the first meal I learned to cook for myself. It's a simple protein bomb that was especially helpful during my serial weekend hangovers in the '90's, but today it's a comfort dish that requires little effort and takes no time to prepare.

Brown the amount of ground beef that you want to eat, seasoning the meat with salt (to taste), then drop the skillet temperature down to low. 

 

Add 2-3 eggs and season with black pepper. 

 

Fold the eggs into the ground beef, cooking slowly until they reach the level of firmness that you prefer for your scrambled eggs. I find that it comes out more delicate and flavorful with a soft scramble, as there is no need to overcook the eggs because they continue to set from their own heat once plated. 

 

Usually served with buttered toast (which I opted against this morning), from start to finish this dish takes about seven minutes to make.

The origins of this scramble remain arcane and are probably lost to time, but going from what little my dad revealed about past, I'm guessing it was born out of necessity and affordability during his upbringing in rural segregated Mississippi. My parents' generation of southern Black folks were extremely close-mouthed about their families' dire histories, so even something as simple as a recipe may have had its roots in painful memories. All I can say is that I know he grew up poor, so his family likely got their protein any way they could. The times I asked my father for even the smallest details on his history, he would always avoid discussing any of it (with the exception of the entertainment that he enjoyed in his childhood), and when I asked about the name and origins of this meal he directed the conversation elsewhere, though he did attempt to humorously attribute its source to a rare (made-up) animal called the "eggburg," which even at the tender age of eight I knew was total bullshit, but I nonetheless deploy that ridiculous moniker whenever I am called upon to give a name for those I tell about it or whom I serve it to.

A plate of this was just what my stomach needed, and I can feel the protein boost working its way into my system. A solid comfort breakfast that also makes for an easy and convenient meal at any hour.

EGGS IN A BASKET

First you start with frying up some bacon.

When the bacon is done to your liking, remove bacon and place on a paper towel to absorb grease. Pour off about 1/4 of the grease from the pan, and leave the pan on over a medium low heat for five minutes, allowing it to build some reasonable heat.

 

Then you take two slices of bread — here I used potato bread, because it grills well, though a good "country" or "peasant" bread will also do — and cut a hole in each with a shot glass, saving the circular bits that got cut out. Place the bread and the circular bits in the grease and grill a bit on both sides over medium high heat. 

 The bread should reach a level of firm toastedness almost equal to that of a grilled cheese sandwich.

When the bread is crisped to your liking, crack an egg into each of the two holes and season to taste. Salt and pepper are fine, with a light lashing of cayenne, but I recommend Badia complete seasoning (sason completa) for a more robust and memorable flavor.

After the eggs have cooked to your liking on one side, carefully flip with a solid spatula — meaning having no openings through which eggs can escape and allow the other side to briefly cook. (NOTE: You may need to supplement the greasy cooking medium with some butter, as the bacon grease may have been fully absorbed by the bread at this point.) 

When the eggs are cooked to your liking, plate with the bacon and have at it! If you like eggs with a runny yolk, as I do, this dish is sheer culinary bliss. You can also divide the strips of bacon into sections and place in the egg toast for quartering into more concise forkfuls of simultaneous bacon, egg, and bread.

Plated deliciousness.

 

The sectioned version,  with peasant bread, topped with thick-cut bacon.

 

Yes, it's a cholesterol festival, so only cook this as an occasional guilty treat.

THE CLASSIC BUNCHE-STYLE BACON & EGG SAMMICH

This one's easy, and is a favorite that I've been making in one form or another since I was eight. It can be crafted from pretty much any variation of the to-be-described components, so what's related here reflects my own personal taste. By all means, experiment! Also keep in mind that this is best when care is taken in its preparation. This is not just a garden variety sarnie. It takes about twenty minutes from start to finish, but the textures and flavors are worth your diligence. Anyway, this is simplicity itself, so let's get started:

INGREDIENTS:

2 slices of European-style peasant bread (my preference; use whatever bread you like)
Butter
2 slices of the thickest bacon you can find (I favor E.J. Farms old-fashioned with rind on, or, if I'm miraculously rich, Peter Luger's)
1 jumbo egg
Black pepper

Evenly toast the beard (preferably in a toaster oven, as I firmly believe one has far more control over the level of crispness than with a standard toaster), then butter the resulting toast and set it aside. Then cook the bacon over low heat, occasionally flipping it as is browns. When it's done to your liking, remove from pan and drain on a paper towel, but do not turn the pan off. Keeping the heat on low, crack the egg into the pan and season with black pepper to taste. (The required salt content is found in the butter on the toast and in the bacon. No need to add more.) One the egg begins to cook, turn off flame and remove pan from heat. The egg will continue to cook as the pan cools and you will be able to observe and determine when it is done to your liking. Spatula the egg onto one of the slices of toast and arrange as evenly as possible. Use a soup spoon to scoop the yolk onto the other slice of toast and then place the bacon atop the egg. Flip the yolked toast onto the slice with bacon, press lightly to allow the yolk to absorb into the bread, cut in half, and let set while you pour yourself an accompanying drink. Devour.  

THE PERFECT GRILLED HAM 'N' CHEESE SAMMICH

A grilled ham and cheese sandwich as seen on Wikipedia: I'm sure this is okay, but I guarantee mine blows it away in smoldering chunks like it was some random monster in an episode of ULTRAMAN.

There are few "comfort" foods as beloved as the humble grilled cheese sammich, and when prepared with just the right combination of bread, butter and ham, it can be elevated from a fondly-remembered childhood favorite to a genuine work of low cuisine artistry. Delicious and alarmingly simple to make, here's what you need to do to craft this signature bit of loveliness.

First you have to get the right components, and chief among these is the bread. The right bread is what makes the difference between a proper grilled cheese and a mildly-acceptable greasy spoon staple fit only for dead-on-their-feet drunks at the ass-end of a pub crawl, and the bread you want is a loaf that looks like this:

The perfect bread.

This humble round loaf is often labeled as "country" or "peasant" bread and can be found at most decently-stocked supermarkets (you can likely find something of its ilk at a bakery or an Au Bon Pain franchise location if your supermarket of choice yields bubkes). I recommend the white variety as opposed to wheat since the wheat tends to overpower flavors that are not tweaked by white bread, and I also recommend that you take your slices from the middle of the loaf so you can make a long and wide sammich.

Butter the two slices on the sides that will not contain the sammich's filling, and for that I recommend Breakstone's salted whipped butter that's been left at room temperature until soft and easily spreadable. (It's perfect for having just the right amount of flavor as a cooking medium.)

Next, break out your non-stick griddle pan, one of those square and shallow skillets used for making pancakes (provided you have one; if not, a standard non-stick pan will do, as long as the bread can fit with ease). Set one of the pieces of buttered bread butter side down on the griddle, and on top of that add two or three slices of Boar's Head American cheese — sliced as thin as possible; this is important, so be sure to specify with your deli guy — enough to cover the bread all the way across. Then add two or three slices of Boar's Head ham — also sliced as thin as possible — in the same configuration as the cheese, and then top that with a repeat layer of cheese. This may seem like a lot, but at this level of thin-slicedness, it's really about average. Place the other slice of bread butter side up atop the sammich and turn the stove's flame on to about medium. You'll soon hear the butter begin to sizzle, and once it does, flip the sammich over and press down upon it gently with your spatula to add pressure. That accelerates the heating of cheese and ham and facilitates an even, creamy melting of the cheese. (NOTE: I recommend getting an actual hand press like the one seen below. The handle allows you to press the sammich-length metal surface with a more even distribution than the average spatula allows.)

My trusty sammich press, wrapped in foil to save the hassle of cleaning its embossed surface.

After about a minute of this the side of the sammich that's on the griddle should be somewhat crisp and golden brown, so again you flip the sammich and press again. In no time this side of the sammich should match the previously-done side for crispness and golden brown color, and it should have lost little or none of the cheese on the griddle's surface. (One of the advantages to the thin slicing and placement of the cheese.) When it's ready to hit your plate, the sammich should look like this:

Voila! The perfect grilled ham 'n' cheese sammich!

Once it's on your plate, cut it diagonally and start at one of the pointy ends. Your taste buds will thank you most profusely. And for the more adventurous of you out there, try making this with sliced rings of raw white or Spanish onions. Oh, yeah...